Here I am yet again to resolve to make some changes in my life. So what happened after the last entry. Pregnancy!! Yep, you guessed it. I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted just because I was pregnant and I knew I was going to get fat anyway. And after birth my excuse is that I'm nursing and my boobs are full and it hurts to work out so I can't do it, my milk will dry up, and so on and so on. This is my 3rd baby and you would think by now I would learn my lesson. That is not the case! No matter pregnancy or sickeness, nursing, or whatever, eating badly is not acceptible. It just can't be. It is not good for you heart and soul.
Wow! I look back on the articles I wrote and wonder how the world I let myself forget (or perhaps put it way back in the back of my mind) that food at restaurants have SO MANY calories. How I let myself cave to the temptation to not workout and not be careful what I eat. How I failed at so many of my goals.... But wait! Life is a learning process and so with all things we have weaknesses in-when we fall down we need to get back up and try even harder.
My rude awakening this time was when I was at my grandmas. She has a scale. I don't! They depress me. I got on her scale 2 months after having my baby and I weighed a whopp'n 204 lbs. That is exactly the weight when I went to my last doctors appointment when I had a 8 lb. baby in my belly. I was shocked! When I look in the mirror I don't see a 204 lb. girl standing there. It is hard to admit to yourself that you have a problem.
The only person that control what I do is myself. So I tell myself you have got to GET UP and GET GOING. You are the only one that makes the choice to act or not act. You control your mind and your body. You are the one that mentally tells yourself the person that you are.
Everytime I have got this rude awakening I have vowed with myself that I would go on a diet and work out so hard so I could lose x amount of lbs. Everytime I do this I last a couple of weeks and I give up. I am going about this all the wrong way. So no diet and no vow to lose weight. I'm throwing that all out. I am going to be healthy in my own way. I am no longer setting a goal to lose weight. Although getting on a scale once a month or so is probablly a good idea because it helps keep you in check.
This is what I have learned the last month:
1. Know yourself! What is that I like to do? What makes me feel accomplishment? The answer to the question for me was swimming. I remember when I was in college and I begged my husband to sign up with me for a Hydro-aerobics class. Water aerobics right? He said he would be the only male in the class and I told him how everybody would be jealous that I had this cool husband that signed up for water aerobics with me. He did. We went to the first day of class and the instructor stood in the front. I still remember sitting on the bleachers looking around. I smiled to see that most the class were males. I couldn't believe so many boys would sign up for hydro-aerobics. But whatever, I guess it would be fun. The instructor began to explain things and told us that this class was a lap swimming class. She told us that the final would be to swim 1 mile in less than 1 hour. 72 times across the pool Oh know! What did I get myself into. This is stupid. I can't swim. I haven't swam since I was 10 years old. I don't know how to breath when I swim I can't do this. When we got home I told my loving husband that I was not going to do the class. I was intimidated. I felt inadequate and unprepared. He smiled this smirky smile and said "Oh no you are not dropping this class, I agreed to do water aerobics so why don't you agree to do lap swimming." Good thing we were somewhat newlyweds and I wasn't use to telling him no. I agreed I would atleast give it a try! A couple weeks into the class I was finding myself actually smiling at the thought of going swimming. I started to really enjoy it. Which was a good thing because Ed got so busy he needed to drop something. I told him he better drop that class. He didn't want to but it was best for him and he did. I was tempted to drop it too. But I didn't. I went the whole semester and at the end, he stood on the pool deck and counted all 72 of my laps. I did it! I felt so great! I was proud of myself. I still tell people that when I was in college I could swim a mile.
So know yourself. I like to swim. Why can't I swim a mile now. There is no excuse for that. I decided that instead of my goal being weight loss and diet for so long. My goal would be to swim 1 mile. In order to accomplish this goal we joined a gym.
2. Learn to laugh at yourself!
First day there I was so excited to jump in the pool. I got all ready at home in my swim stuff. Mind you, I am nursing. I put nursing pads on so I wouldn't leak on the 20 minute drive to the gym. I was so anxious to get moving in the water. I decided that I would only do 400m to start so that I didn't discourage myself. I was proud of myself for going that far. 1 mile=1750m. I got out of the pool and went to shower feeling quite proud of myself. When I took off my swimsuit, lo and behold, dropped two very soaking wet and heavy breast pads. All I could do was laugh at myself! Wonder how much further I could have gone had it not been for the weight of the breast pads?
3. Do not give up!
I have 3 little kids at home so I decided that the only way for me to get exercising was a place that I could drop my kids off. This gym has a child care. So they sold me on the pool and the childcare. The boys went into the childcare great the first day. The second time one of the workers had to come and get me because my 2 year old wouldn't stop crying. I went up and got him and he was really upset. Another worker told me that he had got his arm stuck in this cute little toy you drop balls into. So the 3rd trip out. I went at 9:00, in the morning to try and get to a water aerobics class. This is no easy task to get all 3 kids fed and dressed and out the door by 8:30, but I did it. We were on our way. I was feeling quite the accomplishment. We got to the gym and I got the two boys out of their seats. Grabbed my swim bag and their diaper bag and grabbed the baby in her ridiculously akward and heavy carseat. I akwardly worked my way into the gym with the two bags, two kids, and the baby seat. We got to the stairs to the childcare and my 2 year old threw the biggest fit. I was at the top of the stairs and he refused to come. I dropped the baby off and the b ags and grabbed him and brought him to the hallway. I went back to get the baby and left the 2 year old in the hall screaming. People were walking by me and i felt humiliated. I couldn't even get my 2 year old into the daycare but alone leave him there. I just didn't have enough hands. I quit! I packed the bags and took a very upset child to the car with my 4 year old following behind. I called my husband and he didn't answer. I texted him and told him I quit the gym. It wasn't going to work and we were wasting our money. I told him I was going to call and see if they would let me cancel the membership. He pateintly told me that would be fine if that is what I felt to do. I got home at 9:40, no exercise, no accomplishment, onry kids. I had failed so why keep going it is too much work. I give up I quit!
Ofcourse, the next day I felt much better and was encouraged by my husband that he would go with me and help me with the kids. He ended up staying in the childcare with our 2 year old the whole time and didn't get much of a work out. The next time I took him I went in with him and showed him all the toys and talked to him. I told him I was going to leave but I would be back. When I left he was screaming and throwing a huge fit for the worker. I fetl guilty and wanted to just take him home, but I decided not to and left him alone. He stayed in the childcare the whole time I was gone and only cried a little but mostly played. The last time I went he went in just fine and even told me goodbye. I didn't quit and I feel much better about taking the kids. However, I am not going to lie to myself and think that other difficult days like that are not in my future because I'm sure they are.
4. Self talk is an exercise we need to do daily
5. Rely on the Lord
I will expand on the last two in another entry. I am sure others will not read this but I am going to keep posting to keep myself in check. Who knows maybe if oneday I'm succesful this can be a book!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment