Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Social exercise

My best friend was telling me how she is getting ready to do a mini triathlon. I thought maybe I would set that as a goal and try it with her.  Was sitting there talking to a girl who is very physically fit about it and she tells me I should run the city 5K with her. I tell her I hate running and she encourages me I should do it. Triathlon and 5k on the same day.  I have this idea that i should invite the sisters in my ward to particiapate and we can train from couch to 5k together. Not even thinking through this big thing. Before I know it I am announcing in church that we are going to do this. I really think that know one will do it.  Had tons of people sign up.  Decided to do it 3 nights a week.  Showed up there tonight and ther were atleast 25 women there. Didn't want to go but felt I need to commit. Also had Ingrid encourage me as I was running. wanted to quit and she kept pushing me to go. Had my neice also teaming up to get me moving.  I really would have stayed home and watched a show if I hadn't committed to others to be there. 
First run in a very long time and started out way to fast. My lungs were burning. My head was pounding and I felt like I was going to throw up.  Lesson learned. Start slow. Don't try to start out running as fast as you can because then you won't have it in you to finish the rest.  My thoughts are this. Really not sure I have it in me to keep going. I hate running! I'm not good at it. But I better not let the other sisters down. If the 80 year old sisters can show up to walk around the track and that is hard for them. Then I can show up to do the workouts.  Here I go. From couch to 5k.  With 30 other sisters to help me.  Hope they don't quit!

Strangling! I quit!

Driving to the gym my 4 year old drank my whole bottle of water. Pulled into the gym. Should have known it was going to be a bad day when my 4 year old got stuck in the seat belt. He had put the shoulder strap around his back and the more he moved the tighter the seat belt. It hurt him to get out of it.  Went into the gym to drop the kids off. Had him go to the bathroom. Swam for a few minutes. Worker comes down and tells me he peed his pants. Get out of the pool. My stuff is in the locker room for women only with a big sign that says Absolutley know children under 19.  The pool locker room is under construction. Go to grab K.J, and he is crying. I am wet. 2 year old comes too. Take K.J. pants and wash them in shower with soap and ring them out lay them in the sauna while he is waiting in the dressing room. Me still in swimsuit. 2 year old running all over the no child locker room.  me getting after him.  Someone complains and the worker from the front desk comes and gets mad at me. Hurry and change. Hair is sopping wet. Put wet pants back on 4 year old. Went to pick up the baby and a childcare worker forcing my 4 year old into the play room thinking he was in the wrong place. He throws a huge fit and starts screaming. She is frustrated. He is frustrated. he was just waiting for Mom. I'm tired and wet. Only swam for 10 minutes.  Not worth it. I really feel like quitting and end my memembership. Call the guy to end it and tell him how frustrated I was with how they treated us. I am sure I quit. Waiting for his call back and stand on the scale at my grandmas.  Lost 18 lbs. since March 15.  Guess I can't quit!

Friday, April 29, 2011


Here I am yet again to resolve to make some changes in my life. So what happened after the last entry.  Pregnancy!!  Yep, you guessed it. I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted just because I was pregnant and I knew I was going to get fat anyway.  And after birth my excuse is that I'm nursing and my boobs are full and it hurts to work out so I can't do it, my milk will dry up, and so on and so on.  This is my 3rd baby and you would think by now I would learn my lesson. That is not the case!  No matter pregnancy or sickeness, nursing, or whatever, eating badly is not acceptible.  It just can't be. It is not good for you heart and soul.
  Wow!  I look back on the articles I wrote and wonder how the world I let myself forget (or perhaps put it way back in the back of my mind) that food at restaurants have SO MANY calories. How I let myself cave to the temptation to not workout and not be careful what I eat.  How I failed at so many of my goals.... But wait! Life is a learning process and so with all things we have weaknesses in-when we fall down we need to get back up and try even harder.
My rude awakening this time was when I was at my grandmas. She has a scale. I don't! They depress me.  I got on her scale 2 months after having my baby and I weighed a whopp'n 204 lbs.  That is exactly the weight when I went to my last doctors appointment when I had a 8 lb. baby in my belly.  I was shocked! When I look in the mirror I don't see a 204 lb. girl standing there. It is hard to admit to yourself that you have a problem. 
The only person that control what I do is myself.  So I tell myself you have got to GET UP and GET GOING.  You are the only one that makes the choice to act or not act. You control your mind and your body. You are the one that mentally tells yourself the person that you are.  
Everytime I have got this rude awakening I have vowed with myself that I would go on a diet and work out so hard so I could lose x amount of lbs.  Everytime I do this I last a couple of weeks and I give up.  I am going about this all the wrong way.  So no diet and no vow to lose weight.  I'm throwing that all out.  I am going to be healthy in my own way.  I am no longer setting a goal to lose weight. Although getting on a scale once a month or so is probablly a good idea because it helps keep you in check.
This is what I have learned the last month:
1.  Know yourself!  What is that I like to do? What makes me feel accomplishment?   The answer to the question for me was swimming. I remember when I was in college and I begged my husband to sign up with me for a Hydro-aerobics class.  Water aerobics right?  He said he would be the only male in the class and I told him how everybody would be jealous that I had this cool husband that signed up for water aerobics with me.  He did.  We went to the first day of class and the instructor stood in the front.  I still remember sitting on the bleachers looking around. I smiled to see that most the class were males. I couldn't believe so many boys would sign up for hydro-aerobics. But whatever, I guess it would be fun.  The instructor began to explain things and told us that this class was a lap swimming class. She told us that the final would be to swim 1 mile in less than 1 hour. 72 times across the pool  Oh know!  What did I get myself into. This is stupid. I can't swim. I haven't swam since I was 10 years old. I don't know how to breath when I swim I can't do this.  When we got home I told my loving husband that I was not going to do the class. I was intimidated. I felt inadequate and unprepared. He smiled this smirky smile and said "Oh no you are not dropping this class, I agreed to do water aerobics so why don't you agree to do lap swimming."  Good thing we were somewhat newlyweds and I wasn't use to telling him no. I agreed I would atleast give it a try! A couple weeks into the class I was finding myself actually smiling at the thought of going swimming.  I started to really enjoy it.  Which was a good thing because Ed got so busy he needed to drop something. I told him he better drop that class. He didn't want to but it was best for him and he did.  I was tempted to drop it too. But I didn't. I went the whole semester and at the end, he stood on the pool deck and counted all 72 of my laps.  I did it! I felt so great! I was proud of myself.   I still tell people that when I was in college I could swim a mile. 
So know yourself.  I like to swim.  Why can't I swim a mile now. There is no excuse for that.  I decided that instead of my goal being weight loss and diet for so long. My goal would be to swim 1 mile.  In order to accomplish this goal we joined a gym.

2.  Learn to laugh at yourself!
First day there I was so excited to jump in the pool. I got all ready at home in my swim stuff.  Mind you, I am nursing. I put nursing pads on so I wouldn't leak on the 20 minute drive to the gym. I was so anxious to get moving in the water. I decided that I would only do 400m to start so that I didn't discourage myself. I was proud of myself for going that far. 1 mile=1750m.  I got out of the pool and went to shower feeling quite proud of myself. When I took off my swimsuit, lo and behold, dropped two very soaking wet and heavy breast pads. All I could do was laugh at myself! Wonder how much further I could have gone had it not been for the weight of the breast pads?

3.  Do not give up!
I have 3 little kids at home so I decided that the only way for me to get exercising was a place that I could drop my kids off. This gym has a child care. So they sold me on the pool and the childcare.  The boys went into the childcare great the first day. The second time one of the workers had to come and get me because my 2 year old wouldn't stop crying.  I went up and got him and he was really upset.  Another worker told me that he had got his arm stuck in this cute little toy you drop balls into. So the 3rd trip out. I went at 9:00, in the morning to try and get to a water aerobics class. This is no easy task to get all 3 kids fed and dressed and out the door by 8:30, but I did it. We were on our way. I was feeling quite the accomplishment. We got to the gym and I got the two boys out of their seats. Grabbed my swim bag and their diaper bag and grabbed the baby in her ridiculously akward and heavy carseat. I akwardly worked my way into the gym with the two bags, two kids, and the baby seat.  We got to the stairs to the childcare and my 2 year old threw the biggest fit. I was at the top of the stairs and he refused to come. I dropped the baby off and the b ags and grabbed him and brought him to the hallway. I went back to get the baby and left the 2 year old in the hall screaming. People were walking by me and i felt humiliated. I couldn't even get my 2 year old into the daycare but alone leave him there.  I just didn't have enough hands.  I quit! I packed the bags and took a very upset child to the car with my 4 year old following behind. I called my husband and he didn't answer. I texted him and told him I  quit the gym. It wasn't going to work and we were wasting our money. I told him I was going to call and see if they would let me cancel the membership.  He pateintly told me that would be fine if that is what I felt to do.  I got home at 9:40, no exercise, no accomplishment, onry kids. I had failed so why keep going it is too much work. I give up I quit! 
   Ofcourse, the next day I felt much better and was encouraged by my husband that he would go with me and help me with the kids. He ended up staying in the childcare with our 2 year old the whole time and didn't get much of a work out.  The next time I took him I went in with him and showed him all the toys and talked to him. I told him I was going to leave but I would be back. When I left he was screaming and throwing a huge fit for the worker. I fetl guilty and wanted to just take him home, but I decided not to and left him alone.  He stayed in the childcare the whole time I was gone and only cried a little but mostly played. The last time I went he went in just fine and even told me goodbye.  I didn't quit and I feel much better about taking the kids.  However, I am not going to lie to  myself and think that other difficult days like that are not in my future because I'm sure they are.

4. Self talk is an exercise we need to do daily
5. Rely on the Lord

I will expand on the last two in another entry.  I am sure others will not read this but I am going to keep posting to keep myself in check. Who knows maybe if oneday I'm succesful this can be a book! 

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Brick Walls-Restaurant Food-WATCH OUT

Why is it when we are trying to make changes for the better that it is easy to hit a brick wall. When we feel like we are done and can't go without that chocolate or fast food any longer!   Ed and I went to dinner for Valentines Day and I ordered pasta. Not the best choice. I only ate 1/3 of it. I got home and looked up the content of the food. 1500 calories and 87 grams of fat. I normally would have ate that whole thing.  Realizing what is in restaurant food has taken the fun out of eating out for me. Wow! 1500 freak'n calories. Of course by eating 1/3 of that I probably had 500 calories and 29 grams of fat. So i should atleast feel good that I stopped when I did.  Why didn't I just order the salad? I guess salad is kindof boring sometimes and you eat out for entertainment.  The waiter kept coming back and asking if I was ready. I didn't really feel like Salmon which is a healthy choice there and I couldn't see paying the bucks for a salad since I eat them everyday for lunch.  I think it took me about 20 minutes to decide and i caved and went for the fattening pasta! Yuck!  (It really did taste good though :) ).  I said to my husband that I should just order what i want and not worry about because it was Valentines Day and just because I feel like it.   He said something to the fact that now you know how people who drink alcohol feel.  We both surrendered to the temptation that eating was about enjoying yourself on a special holiday. He joked with me that I should just enjoy it today because the next holiday isn't until St. Patricks day :)  Why is that we give our self allowance on our health on holidays.  Why is it so hard to overcome that temptation.   Sometimes I wonder if I am addicted to food. Is everyone else around me addicted to food!?  Are we all eating for entertainment and not to sustain are life? That question is something I hope to understand better one day.  So even though I give myself a thumbs down for ordering the pasta. I should give my self a thumbs up for only eating what I did!

Friday, February 12, 2010

2nd week

This week has been a lot harder to stick to the exact recipes. I guess it was because I was bored already with them. We did spaghetti one night with wheat noodles and marina sauce. It was a step to a healthier meal. I loved the rolled up turkey in a wheat tortilla with tomatoes and a little avocado with cinnamon sprinkled over it.  I have not had sugar in two weeks.  I was craving it like crazy yesterday and went to Target and filled that craving with a Banana Strawberry V8 juice which I didn't love as much as the blueberry pomegranate one I had a few days before. Walking through the store was such a temptation to buy something so sweet but I didn't. I fought the urge and instead went with the juice and a little pack of nuts. I weighed in for the first time in 2 weeks and have lost 4 more lbs. Since Martin Luther King day the first time I weighed in  and what started the cause of great concern for me I have lost a total of 9 lbs and 2.5 inches.  I have been super happy with my progress.
 I do want to note that it is not easy to buy pass those sweet craving for desserts and sweets.  Today I was asked to make a cake for a president days dinner that is being held in my community.  I have loved the cake and frosting the several times I have indulged in a few pieces of it at our family parties.  Lately when I have been craving something sweet the thoughts come to my head "Don't tempt your taste buds"  I have done really good but the lack of willpower today took over and I licked the spoon of the Oh! so good chocolate frosting. To my surprise it tasted too sweet and I decided that going any further with eating it was just not worth sabotaging all the hard work I did the past two weeks. I even licked my finger and thought to myself. 'I have got to wash my hands I can not take any more of that disgusting stuff!' I sure hope that it is my mind set and change of taste buds that makes me feel like it doesn't taste that great and not because I screwed it up. If it is the latter there will be a lot of disappointed eaters tonight....but maybe I will be doing them a huge favor...he he he he he!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Time Out

I was able to attend a Time Out for Women conference.  Last night and all day today.  I felt empowered by the things that were spoken there. As speakers were talking I didn't think once about my physical health but more my spiritual health. I realized in evaluation of myself today that it also needs some serious attention and has felt neglected as has my physical health.  I really felt inspired by a speaker that talked about Embracing Change! She said we should look forward to that change because the energy that comes from it is good and helps us give others hope.  I really feel that I need to embrace the changes my body has made over the last couple years with PCOS and thyroid and even though it is a challenge I need to be proactive and excited to make the change.  I have felt very successful so far.  I have lost 1.5 inches around my waist.
 I was happy that I had been thinking ahead about lunch and threw in a whole wheat tortilla. I had an awesome wrap at Wendys with their Mandarin Chicken Salad.  I didn't feel a bit bad to pass up the so often ordered grilled chicken sandwich with added cheese, a frosty, and fries.  I felt full and satisfied. I felt good that I had stuck to my guns in a time that would have been easy to cave.
So what life lessons did I learn to day...to many to count so maybe I'll write a book and then one day I can share it :)

Friday, February 5, 2010

A down day

Today is a downer day for reasons so personal i dare not write them down.  Know this.. I wanted to turn to food but instead turned to the exercise bike instead of food to help with my feelings. I have wanted to avoid eating. I am good at that one when I feel the way I do right now.  I forced myself to prepare a salad and it actually tasted good.  Onward ever Onward!