Girls Night Out

We signed the papers on the sale of our house and I have to admit that it was emotionally hard. A flood bank of tears was streaming down my face and I just couldn't stop. The girl at the title company offered me a bowl of chocolate to help me feel better. I declined! :) Looking back I'm glad I did because of some of the feelings I was having, I sure wanted that bandaid. Wouldn't a piece of chocolate make it feel atleast a little better.
 I came home feeling rather down about the deal and sure wanted to just go to bed and sleep the night away.  I was feeling a little anxious and vulnerable to go with me friends who in my eyes are skinny beautiful hotties!   My whole life it has been hard for me not to compare myself physically to other people.
   I remember the first time I became aware of my body and the dissatisfaction I felt was when I was quite young and was in a dance class. We were being measured for our costumes for our year end recital.  I felt quite embarrassed to be measured in front of everyone and that my numbers were higher.  I thought then that I was big.  I have always had a little gut even when I was really young.  I also was not built petite. Looking back I now realize that half the girls I danced with were built that way and they were tiny.  Thus my first comparison of my body to others started. 
    In junior high, I had a so called friend that gave me a health and fitness magazine and told me that I should read it and apply it in my life because I was fat. I was really hurt by that.
     In highschool I found true friends who really did care about me and saw the good in me. However, I was unable to see the good in myself physically. I remember Senior year my two best friends being elected for Sr. Cotillion queen.  Of course i was jealous that they had been elected and I felt the reasoning behind why I wasn't was because they were skinny and I was "fat".  This is to no fault of theirs but more the fault of my own insecurity.  Looking back on my pictures of that time I was not "fat" I wasn't really skinny either.  I was healthy!  I was in dance and active. I had a lot of muscle. I was in good shape. Compared to them I was bigger but the bigger wasn't bad.  Just in my mind it was.  I look back on those pictures now and wish I would have found the strength in myself that I could see what was really looking back in the mirror.  I hope one day that I can share these experiences with other young girls so that they can see their real beauty.
  Needless to say I think I treated my body the way I viewed my body which was fat.  I ate what and when and where I wanted because it didn't matter I was fat.  These are feelings I still need to overcome but part of making a healthy lifestyle change is seeing the best in yourself so you treat yourself to only the best.
    Now knowing a little history you may understand why it was a little hard to feel completely excited on a down day to go with my friends and on top of that to go eat out.  I went anyway.  I was glad I did. I have told my friends about my change and they were not only supportive but interested in the things I had learned so far. I was grateful for their support and genuine interest in my lifestyle change. I felt empowered to be able to share with them things I had learned. I felt sincerely loved by true friends. True friends see the inner strength in you. They see the outer part of you but they know so much about the inside that the outer part becomes transparent. Thanks to them for their support.
    So what did I eat at Chili's.  I looked up the restaurant nutrition facts before I went and typed in ideas on google of what I could order. Wow! Eating out can be really unhealthy. I was glad to learn that they drenched their buns in butter and asked for wheat bread without butter. I got a grilled chicken sandwich and ate half of it. I was satisfied and it tasted good!  Woot! Woot! for a successful girls night out!!